He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
