glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
