so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
