Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i already hear my dad disowning me
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
