He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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