how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
