You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
