I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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