now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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