Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
