You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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