So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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