He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
