weddingsv make me drug and hornr
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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