Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
