Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I love having hate sex.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
