So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
