in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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