There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
