i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
