I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
