You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
