is your mom at the bar?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
