Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
