Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
