you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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