a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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