so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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