Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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