So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
