grandma shit on top of the toilet
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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