I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize