I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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