i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
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