i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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