i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
