I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
