Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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