if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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