I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
