OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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