I'm laying in your front yard are you home
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
