It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
