I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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