o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
