im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
