he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
