I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
