You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
