i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
