He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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