If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize