Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
