I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
