i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
