they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
