you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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