she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
