wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
