Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
