my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
