she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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