i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He has the fingertips of a God
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
