addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
