I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
