I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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