Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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