He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
