words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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