it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
